Cultivating Self-Love: A Path to Resistance and Rest During Black History Month
- Devaion White
- 2 days ago
- 4 min read
As we step into Black History Month, I've been thinking a lot about what it really means to honor our history. And I don't just mean the stories we learned in school. I mean the ones that live in our bodies. In our families. In the quiet ways we've learned to survive.
I wrote this post with Black women like us in mind. Women who carry so much. Women who've been taught that strength means never stopping, and who are learning (or maybe relearning) that rest isn't betrayal.
As a mother and a student, I'm still finding balance myself. I know what it feels like to honor your ancestors by repeating their patterns of working hard, staying strong, and never complaining.
But I'm also learning that maybe the most powerful way to honor them is to choose differently. To rest when they couldn't. To feel when they weren't allowed to. To love ourselves in ways that weren't always modeled for us.
That's what I hope these words do for you. Remind you that self-love isn't selfish. It's survival. It's resistance. And it's something you deserve.
It's been something passed down quietly, sometimes imperfectly, through generations that didn't always have the luxury to rest, to feel, or to choose themselves.
That's what Black History Month is really about for me. Not just what happened back then, but what lives now. In our bodies, our habits, our fears, our strengths. In the way we learn how to love ourselves.
Generational Baggage and Self-Love
We carry stories we didn't personally live but still feel.
We carry grandparents who worked themselves to the bone and called it responsibility. Parents who were taught to be strong before they were taught to be soft. Caregivers who loved us deeply but didn't always know how to say it out loud.
Generational resilience is beautiful, but it can also be heavy.
For a long time, survival came first. Feelings came later. Rest came last.
How many of us learned that love looks like exhaustion, care means carrying everything, and if we're slowing down, we're falling behind?
But what if that's not the only way?
What Self-Love Really Means For Black People
Self-love, for many Black people, is radical. Because it says: I deserve care even when I'm
not proving anything.
It says: I can honor my ancestors without repeating every one of their sacrifices.
It says: I can be strong and still need rest.
I'm learning that a path for self-love doesn't have to look perfect. Some days it's therapy and journaling and deep reflection. Other days, it's simply getting out of bed, saying no, or allowing yourself to feel tired without guilt.
Sometimes self-love is forgiving yourself for coping the only way you knew how at the time.
Sometimes it's asking for help when you've been taught that needing help means you're weak.
Sometimes it's just letting yourself sit down without immediately finding the next thing to do.
When we allow ourselves to rest, to feel, to love ourselves gently, we're healing the patterns that came before us. And we're creating new ones for those who come after.
Joy Has Always Been Part of Our Story & You're Allowed to Be Human
Black history reminds us that joy has always existed alongside pain. That laughter survived even when circumstances were heavy. That love found ways to grow in the cracks.
Our ancestors didn't just survive, they celebrated. They sang. They created beauty even when the world told them they had no right to any of it.
When we choose joy today, when we choose softness, creativity, rest, pleasure, it’s proof that the past didn't break us. That's honoring them by living fully, not just surviving.
Self-love means letting yourself be human.
You don't have to be strong all the time.
You don't have to be twice as good to deserve half as much.
You don't have to prove your worth through how much you can carry.
Your body is allowed to be tired.
Your heart is allowed to need gentleness.
Your spirit is allowed to rest.
And none of that makes you weak. It makes you honest.
What Honoring Black History Can Look Like
This month, honoring Black history can look like listening to the stories in your family.
Asking gentle questions. Choosing a new pattern, speaking more kindly to yourself, resting more fully, loving more openly.
It can look like telling yourself, "I don't have to earn my rest. I don't have to justify my joy."
It can look like setting that boundary you've been avoiding. Or saying "I need support" without apologizing after.
It can look like recognizing that you are already enough—not because of what you do, but
because of who you are.
Closing Words
Self-love is a practice. One shaped by history, informed by resilience, and guided by hope.
It's messy and imperfect. Some days you'll get it "right," and some days you won't.
And that's more than okay. That's human.
Loving yourself fully, gently, honestly, and imperfectly is one of the most meaningful ways to honor Black history there is.
If this post spoke to you, I want to ask you something: "Where can you set the weight down, even just a little?"
Maybe it's one boundary. Maybe it's one honest conversation. Maybe it's just allowing yourself to rest today without guilt.
Small steps toward rest and self-love can create lasting change. You are worthy of care, rest,
and joy, not because you've earned it, but because you exist.
Let's Stay Connected
Thank you for taking the time to read and reflect with us. If this post resonated with you, the team at Perfectly Imperfect Counseling Services and EmpowerHer Society invites you to stay connected.
Visit our websites:
Stay in touch on social media, too! ✨ Follow EmpowerHer Society on Instagram @theempowerhersociety ✨ Connect with founder Jennifer Nicole on Instagram @sheisjennifernicole or on LinkedIn Jennifer Nicole Brown.
This post was written by Devaion White as her final blog post during her internship with Perfectly Imperfect Counseling Services. As part of her learning journey, Devaion has beautifully shared reflections that speak to the experiences so many of us face as Black women navigating the balance between honoring our history and choosing our own healing. We're so grateful for her thoughtful contributions and the care she's brought to this work. Thank you, Devaion, for reminding us all that we deserve rest and care, too
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